[00:00:00] Speaker A: Hello beautiful people and welcome to another segment of Complete Wellness with Cindy, the Busy Woman's Cheerleader. This is the channel where women from all walks of life can stop by, get tools and resources to help them thrive. 360 in mind, body, spirit and finances. I invite you to stay connected, subscribe to this channel and visit me
[email protected] now for today's segment.
[00:00:27] Speaker B: Hello beautiful people and welcome to another segment of Complete Wellness with Cindy, the busy Woman's cheerleader. So super excited as usual to be here today. But first, let's do a little housekeeping. Our power quote of the day is no woman should be made to fear that she was not enough. And that comes from a young lady named Samantha Shannon. How about that? Now we're from our sponsors.
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[00:02:12] Speaker B: It's Dr. Melanie Cray. She is a nationally recognized expert in trauma, informed leadership, burnout prevention and workplace wellness. Dr. Gray is a registered nurse, educator and wellness strategist with more than 20 years of experience in healthcare, leadership and higher education. She helps organizations and individuals heal from burnout, build psychological safety, and cultivate cultures of trust, empathy and resilience. Please help me welcome Dr. Melanie Gray. Welcome.
[00:02:46] Speaker D: Thank you so much, Ms. Cindy, for allowing me to be here today with you and your guests. It's an honor.
[00:02:54] Speaker B: Thank you. Thank you so much for being here. Listen, tell us about your journey. I know you've got some nuggets. Tell us about your journey. Tell us about Melanie Gray Solutions. What led you to start Melanie Gray Solutions?
[00:03:08] Speaker D: Well, it was a journey of over after 40 years I've done in healthcare As a nurse, I've been a bedside nurse, nurse educator, nurse leader, all of those things. And then in 2025, actually my employer decided they didn't need my position anymore.
And I decided, well, I will just flow into another side of life in terms of consulting and, and training. And, and so that is what birth. Their, their need to not need me.
Birth Melanie Gray Solutions and this new journey and new, new portion of my life.
[00:03:47] Speaker B: Well, that is wonderful. That the funny thing is I hear that a lot and sometimes I do believe that's the good Lord moving people from one place to the other because we can become complacent. And you know, that's one of my biggest, I would say personal mottos. Never become complacent is always more to do. B and C. So what did that look like for you with that transition? Did you realize that it was divine or that you just assumed. Okay, they just, you know, dissolved my position. What was that for you?
[00:04:16] Speaker D: Well, it was divine because actually the Lord has shown me, obviously this is like my second. I said my second or third retirement. So after my first retirement in 20, I retired really not to stop, but to reposition myself, to learn some new skills. And so then the Lord opened the door for me, which allowed me to become this subject matter expert around trauma informed care.
So when they.
Which was going to make me much more useful than I would have been just as a nurse educator. And then that opened the door when they didn't need me in that realm anymore, I had another subset of skills and expertise that were really relevant. And he said, okay, now use it.
[00:05:02] Speaker B: Right, right. You know, it's funny because as we calculate years and try the journey, you know, the part of life, the parts of life, rather, we find that nothing was wasted. No skill. You mentioned about transferable skills. I'm really big on soft skills and transferable skills. No skill was wasted because it's like a building block when you look back over your shoulder and, and realize all along you've been prepared for the moment that you're presently in, though you didn't realize it at the time.
[00:05:30] Speaker D: Right. And, and we have to remember that God doesn't need time. He is infinite. Right. He just structures time for us, but he's not bound by it.
[00:05:41] Speaker B: Yes. And we try our best to find him by time. We really do. Because you're looking at what I would say the world looks at. The world looks and tries to put you in a box. You know, either by your ethnicity, by your weight, your height, your position, you know, your tax Status, your career. They try to put you in a box.
[00:06:00] Speaker D: They do. And you have to, you have to resist that. And I tell young people, you cannot benchmark your life by someone else's.
[00:06:12] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:06:12] Speaker D: And that if you, if you trust God and rely upon him, he will redeem the time. A lot of young people look at me and they say, well, Dr. Gray, I want to be like you. I said, well, keep living. Because you only see, you know, you 30 years old. You've only seen the last 20 years of my life.
[00:06:32] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah.
[00:06:32] Speaker D: You saw Dr. Gray the educator. Dr. Gray.
[00:06:35] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:06:36] Speaker D: You didn't see Dr. Gray the staff nurse working nights, working weekends, you know, doing the hustle like you, that, you know. So you only see the part that you see. There was a whole 20 some years before that when I was in. I didn't go back to school till I was in my 40s. I didn't get my masters in that till much later.
[00:06:57] Speaker B: There was 20 years.
[00:06:58] Speaker D: No, it's never too late.
[00:06:59] Speaker B: Never too late. It's never too late.
[00:07:02] Speaker D: Menopause is a great thing.
[00:07:08] Speaker B: I'm not messing with you today.
[00:07:10] Speaker D: You can mess with me if you want to.
[00:07:12] Speaker B: I am not messing with you today. I am not messing with you today. So listen, what made you go towards trauma informed? What was the, I would say the pivotal moment that made you use that as a niche, as a focal point? Because you hear about a lot of different types of careers and a lot of different types of businesses, but you rarely hear. You hear. Now we're talking a little bit more about mental health. We're talking a little bit more about wellness, you know, and the fact that you need to unapologetically take time for self care. But trauma informed. I have, I'm going to say this, and I want to give this, give this to you. I have been for a while now encouraging, I would say the younger generation to train themselves to practice responding and not reacting, being proactive instead of reactive.
How does that weigh into being trauma informed or trauma trained? How does that weigh in that tell us the benefits of that? How does that look for you?
[00:08:20] Speaker D: Reaction versus well, the concept of trauma informed care is one when understanding that when we encounter people that don't respond in a way that we expected, that we consider what has happened to them, not what is wrong with them.
Understanding that prior to the pandemic, which is really what led me into the focus, it was estimated that over 67% of all Americans had had at least one adverse childhood experience.
[00:08:56] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:08:57] Speaker D: And that's almost over 67% of people anywhere you go, in your church, in the grocery store, in the mall. Right. So that means at work that when we're encountering people, everyone has some kind of trauma trigger. Now, you add the pandemic, you add Inflation, you add $2 a dozen eggs, you add the multiple wars going on in the world. You look at rent being 1500-2500.
People are stressed and feeling traumatized. And so how we handle people, how we react, how we speak, impacts our ability to communicate so that we don't trigger other people and they don't trigger us. And that also means that we all have to be aware of our own triggers. And we all have some. I have some.
I am not.
I'm more sensitive, if you would, to people who have addictions. Because I promise, if anyone is going to have a DNA to be addicted, it's me. On both sides of my family, I watch people just be.
Become downtrodden because of substance abuse. And I had told myself that will never be me. But I'm also more sensitive to it. So being aware of that, I will. I know that for me could be a trigger. Everyone has them. We have to know what they are so that we handle ourselves properly. And we're also sensitive to others.
[00:10:41] Speaker B: That makes sense. That makes sense. So now let me ask, when you mentioned about these triggers, and I say this because recently I was discussing it with someone about healing.
People have to be open to divine interruptions and healing.
[00:11:00] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:11:00] Speaker B: Because a lot of times your trauma or the things that I would say you don't want to talk about, that traumatized you. You know, you. You blocked it out or you suppressed it. Those are the very things or testimonials or acts along your journey that will help propel someone else. But because it triggers you to talk about it, you're not able to fully walk out that particular purpose, to be a witness of healing because you are not healed. What does that look like for you? How do you feel about that?
[00:11:35] Speaker D: Well, I believe that when we. There are two things we have to realize. One, sometimes. One is I have a behavior that is not working for me. And God, I give it to you to show me how to heal it by your word, so I'm whole and I can use my experience to help others.
There's that other piece of it, though, that based on the behavior, people benefit from their trauma. Because if I just stay woe is me, then people gonna pay attention to me. If I continue to be say that I can't do something because of my past, because Then I'm allowing that past to have power over me because it helps me not do some things. So there's a piece of us that has to be willing to let go of the secondary gain of the pain and be willing to be healed. So once we are willing to be healed and to release it, then God can.
And so the memory just becomes a victory statement.
I have victory over this because of Jesus. Let me tell you how. Yes, but if you just want to stay in it and be, oh well, you know, I went through all of this and my mama wasn't nice to me, my brother was unkind to me. I'm the, I'm the black sheep. And you want to, you want to continue that rhetoric because your words have power.
[00:12:59] Speaker B: It is victim.
[00:13:01] Speaker D: The power of life is in the tongue. So what do you want?
[00:13:08] Speaker B: Some, some choose to stay in that victim mentality. But I do believe that we were created to be victors, not victims. And a lot of times when a person stays in that victim mentality, they become stuck. It goes back to what I say constantly about the mindset. It all starts in the mind and it starts with those words.
So if your words.
[00:13:34] Speaker D: But the power of life and death is in the tongue. Right? And the power says not. My, my, my challenge with just mindset is mindset does not always align with the Word. If you're going to. The Bible said the same mind being you that is in Christ Jesus, always the word.
So I think we do have to be careful that if we are talking as, as Bible believing, spirit filled people, we're talking about a mind that aligns with the word. So the same mind is in, that is in Christ Jesus becomes in us. And we are created to be victors if we are willing. Because just like salvation is a free gift that you have to receive, we have to be willing to receive the healing that God has through his Word. Because the enemy will keep you people trapped up in the mindset of the world. Well, you know, you have power.
You, you are special. You know, it's the enemy will allow us to make. I put I us in the center of our.
[00:14:35] Speaker B: You know, it goes back to alignment.
[00:14:38] Speaker D: Alignment. Yeah.
[00:14:39] Speaker B: You know, it goes back to alignment. And that looks different for different people, but that also gives different results for different people. When you're spiritually aligned to Christ, that's a different outcome than you being spiritually aligned to some statue that you call your God. That's a different outcome. So when I speak in terms of mindset, you first have the mind. You have to have the mind made up to either accept Christ or not, or go along the journey that you've been going on. You have to have the minds that. It starts with the mind, the thought process. That's why I feel like it's very important that people watch what goes in their. Their eyes. You know, be mindful of what I gate. Mindful of your ear. Exactly, of your ear gates. There you go, two ears and one mouth for a reason. Listen twice as much as you speak. You have to observe, you have to listen and all of these things floating around up here. But a lot of times when someone has been traumatized to the point where they, they normalize it, they've normalized trauma. Being trauma driven, being the victim. They have, you know, that a lot of times holds people back from really being all that they were created to be.
[00:15:51] Speaker D: And in those instances, Ms. Cindy, I think what we cannot be afraid of is getting real clinical help.
Some people, based on their. The severity of their trauma, they might need real clinical help through a clinician, through even an antidepressant, just to get them.
[00:16:11] Speaker B: I'm laughing. I'm so sorry. I'm laughing because I just told somebody yesterday that's going to school, the school for psychology. I said, keep in mind some things need to be clinically treated and some things need to be cast out. Okay,
[00:16:27] Speaker D: yeah, you. Some things do, some things do. But that's why we're stretching out and getting his wisdom. That's why according to Ephesians 1 and 17, that we are, we. We pray that May that we get the spirit, the spirit of wisdom and revelation so that we may know him better and we can get his wisdom on the thing.
[00:16:51] Speaker B: Yes, yes, yes, absolutely. How does trauma informed principles actually help people recover?
[00:16:58] Speaker D: Well, it helps them recover because one, they are aware. It helps their awareness in terms of where. Where they will allow expo. What they will expose themselves to and what they will not.
It also helps them in terms of what they will receive from others. So what I'm saying is a trauma informed response might be just, you know, I'm going to say no to that invitation.
I'm not going to receive what you said because I unders. I have another belief about myself.
[00:17:34] Speaker B: Yeah.
[00:17:35] Speaker D: A trauma informed response could be really to change friends. Some people are not healthy for us.
[00:17:41] Speaker B: Right, right.
[00:17:41] Speaker D: And changing relationships, that could be a trauma informed response so that we build a mind and an environment that is supporting of us being better and becoming and fulfilling our destiny.
[00:17:56] Speaker B: Yes, yes, absolutely. I agree. I completely agree. What are some strategies? I would say that you would give women with setting healthy boundaries and balancing all the things that busy women do. You know, I always say we're not just busy just for the sake of being busy. Be busy about our father's business. But you have to know that you do.
[00:18:15] Speaker D: And I love that because a lot. There's an epidemic of busyness.
[00:18:19] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:18:20] Speaker D: Epidemic of exhaustion.
[00:18:22] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:18:22] Speaker D: Where people are competing over how busy that they are. And people are actually, as I talk to women, they are scrolling social media looking at how busy everyone else seems to be, and they're saying, I'm not doing enough. Oh, something's wrong with my life. And I'm like, well, first of all, busyness does not mean that you're productive.
[00:18:44] Speaker B: Exactly.
[00:18:45] Speaker D: Not at all efficient or efficient or that you're even is financially lucrative for you to be this busy. So it's just, it doesn't mean anything other than I'm busy. So women have to be willing to, one, be still and know that I am God and hear the Lord. The Bible says in Matthew 11, 28 and 30, come to me, all who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.
So you have to be willing to hear God's solution, and you have to be willing to be dependent upon him. So we're, we're, you know, black women. You know, Ms. Cindy, we know how to drive.
We know how to push. Okay. We were raised in many instances by women who taught us how to drive and push because that was what was needed, maybe at that time. But in your. Everyone has to hear God about the season in their life and be willing to submit to that, to give, lay down, give him our burdens, allow him to take care of us, to fear not and, and not be dismayed that he is our God and He will strengthen us. So it really comes down to just being still first, hearing from him and letting him order our steps. And we should be okay with not looking like the world.
That for Christian women, we have to release this identity with the world and say, I'm God's woman and I'm going to walk in faith because that is what pleases him.
So there's really a separation that we have to make. We are different as women of God. We are a different species than those who are who do not have the redemption, the salvation, the power, and absolutely His Word working in them.
[00:20:44] Speaker B: Absolutely. Absolutely. It's. It's about relationship.
[00:20:48] Speaker D: Yes.
[00:20:49] Speaker B: A lot of times people I've encountered some in ministry that said, you know, God doesn't answer my prayers, but there's A formula. You know, it's just like anything else. You know, if. If I'm your friend and you only hear from me when I need something, then I'm probably not going to answer you every time you come either.
You know, there's. There's a formula. There's. There's a formula. You know, I would say a formula of respect, a formula of relationship. You know, there's intimacy in that relationship. Not.
[00:21:16] Speaker D: That's important.
[00:21:17] Speaker B: Showing up whenever you want something.
You know, it's. It's any relationship. It's building. You know, a lot of times when I say that, I think back to when.
When God told Moses to tell Pharaoh to let his people go.
And if people really dig that scripture, just read a little further, they'll see that he wanted him to let his people go so that they could worship him, so that they could commune with him, have time with him. He just wanted time. And so all of these good and perfect gifts that come from above, they come out of relationship. Not because you're coming to seek me, because somebody says, oh, well, oh, talk to God about it. But do you have a relationship with him, you know, as his son, as his daughter, where you're able to talk to him and get these types of results?
[00:22:02] Speaker D: Well, also maturity. Right. Ms. Cindy, you don't have spiritual maturity.
[00:22:06] Speaker B: Absolutely.
[00:22:07] Speaker D: Absolutely. You don't give your baby a car when, you know they don't have a license yet.
[00:22:12] Speaker B: Exactly, exactly.
[00:22:13] Speaker D: You. You don't give them money and to buy clothes when they haven't gotten their gr. I mean, I don't know. You know, if they had Grayson not up to snuff. Right. There's a level of maturity that accompanies certain gifts. But we have to also trust that God's real desire for us is to know him, love him, and serve him. He.
[00:22:36] Speaker B: Steward his gifts well and steward his gifts well.
[00:22:40] Speaker D: Yes, yes. Stewardship. And if you. A lot of us don't steward what he's given us. So, you know, you racked your credit cards up and you're not tithing, and you want God to bless you. Well, did nobody tell you to do that?
[00:22:56] Speaker B: Well, like I said, it's a formula.
It's a formula. You know, it is a formula. And. And it's not to say, you know, strategic. I would say intentional, because he's intentional. You know, I think back to that scripture in Jeremiah where he said, I foreknew you before I placed you in your mother's womb. I foreknew you and set you aside for a purpose.
So there is intentionality along our entire journey, but a lot of times we don't realize it because we're just, you know, living in the moment. Not me, but I'm just in general, people are just living in the moment. But you have to be just as strategic and intentional with principles along the way as you are with your journey along the way. I say oftentimes if you go through something negative and you don't learn anything from it, you have wasted time, air and space out of your life. Anytime you have some experience, you need to take something from it, learn something from it and grow from it. Like when you made mention of your job, dissolving your position, primarily it was time for you to move. And sometimes I have found that if we don't move quick enough, he's going to move the obstacle that's blocking that plan that he predestined for us in the first place.
[00:24:18] Speaker D: Yeah, and his first goal for us is to know him. So. And he knows our heart. So sometimes we're praying for stuff like a car or whatever, but he know we really don't want him, you know, and, and he wants to be. He, he wants, he says that, you know, draw near to God and he will draw near to you. Yes, right. And cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double minded. We don't want to be double minded. So he wants to, he wants us to want him. Just like people want their children to love on them and his mom and dad and not just want the stuff.
[00:24:57] Speaker B: Taking the gift and forgetting the giver of the gift. That's rude in any, in any social circle.
[00:25:05] Speaker D: Yes, it is.
[00:25:05] Speaker B: That's rude in any social circle.
[00:25:07] Speaker D: In any circle.
[00:25:10] Speaker B: So let me ask you this.
What would you tell your 25 year old self at the stage that you're in now? What would you tell your 25 year old self that you.
[00:25:20] Speaker D: I love that question. Because what I tell people all the time is I want you to do better than me. And what I did, all the energy that I placed on my career, my job, where I was going to work, what I was going to do next, my title, I'm gonna tell you, is not worth it.
Put all of your time in seeking the Lord and allowing him to order your steps.
[00:25:50] Speaker B: Yes, yes.
[00:25:51] Speaker D: One, Because God, that's the only way to go. Because you can put all your energy into titles and positions. And I promise you, no, the day you retire, nobody would know what you did.
Nobody. They won't even. They might remember you for 30 days maybe.
[00:26:11] Speaker B: So you celebrate you and then forget about you. Yes.
[00:26:15] Speaker D: And, and they maybe celebrate you and then, you know, and I'm not being morbid, Ms. Cindy, but I've gone to funerals of people and I say to their children, oh, I, I really enjoyed working with your mom, your dad. And they did X, Y and Z. They said they did, they did.
Nobody know.
[00:26:37] Speaker B: Wow.
[00:26:38] Speaker D: Wow. I didn't know mom did that.
[00:26:40] Speaker B: That's why impact, global impact and your authentic voice is so important.
That's why I push entrepreneurship a lot. You know, I work with those who are aspiring and those who, our C executive suites, those who work, you know, have careers and those who are entrepreneurs.
Part of the reason that I, I'd like to push because I feel that everybody, God gave a talent just like Deuteronomy 8:18, you know, remember the Lord thy God that gives you power to get wealth. Everybody wants to chase one side of the spectrum. You're chasing wealth, but then your health is going down or you're chasing, you know, health and then, you know, you're broke. So with that balance between the two, oftentimes what happens is people are aligning themselves with the wrong thing. It's supposed to be asking, is this an assignment or distraction? They're distracted, floating back and forth on social media. They're asking for things that they're not yet readily able to steward.
You haven't mastered the basis of wealth, but you're just thinking you should just have it without putting the work in.
[00:28:05] Speaker D: Yes, yes. And if I could go back to your last question, what would I tell my 25 year old self? I also tell her to be patient.
So when you're speaking of, you know, entrepreneurship, some things God will show you at a earlier time in your life, like now that he's not going to bring to fruition.
[00:28:29] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:28:30] Speaker D: For 10 years, 30 years later.
[00:28:32] Speaker B: Yes.
[00:28:32] Speaker D: And you have to be patient. There are many things, there are a number of things that I'm doing right now that I saw 30 years ago and I had to wait. And I'm like, lord, why is everybody else doing their thing? And I, I, you know, I, you know, what about me? But I just had to wait.
Be to wait and steward your life well with prayer, with exercise, you know, keeping yourself healthy and be patient. Because God can, we can. When he flip, flip the switch on for you, it won't take all day. You, you reduce your striving. So being in his time and purpose and being patient is another thing I tell my 25 year old self.
[00:29:11] Speaker B: Yeah, yeah, I Love that. I absolutely love that. So what's next for you? What? What? I mean, what are you doing? What, what, what is next for you? How can people get in contact with you? What are you doing? What's next?
[00:29:22] Speaker D: Well, what's next is I will be launching my book in June.
Stop it. Is setting boundaries for women.
I just had my launch, my first conference two weeks ago. It was the Fearless day party with the purpose and we focus on, focused on financial wealth, how to steward your money, how to set boundaries, getting mental help when you needed it. So it's full circle in 2027, I'm going to have host a retreat. And so, and I just work, I'm just speaking. So I'm speaking. I'm training at companies and keeping all the balls rolling and taking care of my mama.
[00:30:05] Speaker B: All right, now that's very important. That's very important.
Very important.
I have enjoyed you. I have absolutely enjoyed speaking with you. Have you on today, we're going to put your information down in the description so that people can get in contact with you. They want to see what's going on with you. What are your parting words for our listening audience?
[00:30:26] Speaker D: My parting words are to seek first the kingdom of God and all things. Everything else will be added.
[00:30:35] Speaker B: Yes. I love it.
[00:30:37] Speaker D: Know him, love him and serve him. You can trust him. He's worthy.
[00:30:42] Speaker B: I love it. All right, we'll do it again. We will do it again.
[00:30:45] Speaker D: Yes, we will.
[00:30:46] Speaker B: All right. It's Dr. Melanie.
[00:31:13] Speaker A: Hey. Have you been feeling stuck like you should be further along in life by now? You're doing all the right things, working hard, caring for others, trying to balance it all. Yet something inside keeps whispering, there has to be more than this. Maybe you've been praying for clarity. Maybe you feel called to something greater, but you're overwhelmed, exhausted and unsure of where to start.
Well, know this. You are not behind. You are not forgotten. And you are definitely not alone. I'm Cindy, the busy woman's cheerleader. I help faith driven women break free from self doubt, get unstopped, stuck, and move forward with confidence and clarity. God's way through biblically based business and life coaching. I help you align your purpose with God's promises, strengthen your mindset and create clear, doable steps that fit your real life, your busy life. This is not hustle and grind. This is alignment. This is healing, clarity and courage rooted in scripture. And it's about becoming who God already designed you to be without burnout and guilt.
If you're ready to stop questioning yourself, if you're ready to walk boldly in your calling. If you're ready to finally move with peace and direction, now is your moment. Let's get to work. Join our busy Woman's Ascension Challenge. It's a live experience you don't want to miss.
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[email protected] your next chapter is waiting, and I'd be honored to help you thrive. 360 on purpose.
